My Animal Fiefdom

As many of you know, the animal kingdom has not been the most kind to me during my stay here. Pigeons climb on my roof scratching away so loudly that I cannot sleep. They try to build nests right outside my window cooing and flapping their wings at dawn. The cat that I bagged and removed to a far away village came back to continue to plague us – granted it took it 3 months to find its way back but the bottomline is that it’s back. Chickens come uninvited into our cookhouse and jump onto our sink and fridge when we try to chase them away. Rabid bats find there way into our homes to hang out and give us the willies. All in all our coexistence has not been that of mutual tolerance.

Not wanting to let these silly creatures get the best of me, I asked Jenifer to get me some PVC pipe from Migori so that I could make a blow gun using the technique I learned from my young friend Devon in Arusha. Jenifer obliged me and I embarked on constructing my instrument of fear. While I was in Arusha our targets were plastic bottles and tree trunks. Consequently, there was no harm in using nails as our blow darts. However, even though I want my sleep uninterrupted by annoying cooing and my meals undisturbed my feline yowling, I am not a sadist wanting to maim these bothersome creatures. So, initially I try to use seeds with paper. But that didn’t work. Then I went back to the nail method. They definitely flew very well and would have been very effective in ridding myself of these pests. But like I said, I wanted a nonlethal method. Finally, I decided to tape wads of paper over the nail part. I tested it on a cow and it worked great! He just snorted and went on his way. Now I could deter my opponents with nondeadly force!

Paul saw my initial success and he created a blow gun for himself also. Currently, between the two of us, any creature threatening to impose itself on our serene existence will receive the full force of our Mizungu wrath. I have successfully pelted chickens, cats, goats, cows, and pigeons. And today, Darcie pointed out that the entire periphery of the cookhouse is free of these terrible animalian menaces. Unfortunately, I did not think I would be so effective and had planned on honing my hunting skills. Now we must start to roam the compound looking for our prey. Such is the life of the great, brown hunter.

Darcie will be writing a companion piece and she will even have pictures (but don’t believe every word she says!) ayearinkenya.blogspot.com